SRBC Youth Parent News

As teenagers go about the adolescent task of developing her identity, they are going to struggle with a poor or improper self-image from time to time. Teens play the comparison game whereby they are aware of peers who are smarter, prettier, more coordinated, and so on. Whenever teens play the comparison game they lose, and their self-image takes a hit. Parents can use their influence to build up a teen whose self-image is suffering.

What parents can do to help teens build a positive self-image:

• Believe in your teenager. Teenagers need adults in their lives who believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves. The difference between a teen who moves on to healthy adulthood and another teen who does not is often one caring adult who believes in her or him. Be that person!

• Shower your teenager with praise. Praise and affirmation are positive, motivating factors that help to build your teen’s self-image. On the other side of the coin, constant negativism, nagging, and put-downs discourage, deflate, and damage self-esteem. So, choose praise over put-downs every time. Praise your teen, but don’t lie or exaggerate. Teens know the difference between legitimate and false praise. Try not to praise only for performance-based issues. Sure, it’s great if your daughter hits a grand slam in her softball game, but what if she strikes out every time at-bat? Do you only praise her when she succeeds? If so, she’ll get the message that she’s only valuable and lovable when she performs at high levels. It’s much better to praise her for good efforts regardless of outcomes, for her admirable behaviors, and most importantly, for her positive character and personality traits.

• Don’t overvalue your teen. Sure your teen is special, and a unique gift from God, but overvaluing your teen won’t help build a positive self-image in him. In fact, it can actually cause long-term damage to him by fostering narcissism, when parents unintentionally plant the seed in his mind that the world revolves around him.

• Encourage your teen and be a cheerleader. Urge your teen to develop her gifts, skills, and strengths. Help her to recognize and minimize her weaknesses. But remember that not every kid will become an academic genius or a professional athlete. Provide her with lots of emotional support and help her grow into the person that God has uniquely created.

Of the 24 hours - the 1,440 minutes - available to us each day, parents actually spend very little time with their children. Remember, all we have is right now. So, how about you? What does how you spend your time say about your priorities? Do you need a little help getting your priorities straight? Here are five ways you can reprioritize your life:

1. Ruthlessly Eliminate Stress. No one can get their priorities straight if they're constantly living "under the gun." If there's so much stress in your life that you're finding it difficult to keep your priorities in order, lighten your load first - and now!
2. Make Daily Solitude a Priority. Don't let guilt make you feel like you're "avoiding your family" for taking time for yourself each day. It's a must, even if it's just 15 minutes in the morning for "quiet time" with the Lord. No one will miss you if you "take 5" for yourself every now and then.
3. Develop a "Blank Slate" Approach. Begin and end each day with no agenda. Come before the Lord with open arms, hands, and an open mind and heart each morning. Let Him set your day in motion and then give everything back to Him at the end of each day - all your worries, cares, successes, failures. Exchange them for a good night's sleep. (See Psalm 91:1.)
4. Give Your Family Your Best, Not Just Your "Emotional Leftovers." It may be noble to "give your all" at work. But what does that leave for your spouse and kids? Not much? Not good! Your family deserves the best you have to offer. They need you healthy, rested, happy, or perhaps more importantly, content. Don't just leave "table scraps" from your heart for them. Give them the main course. Then, watch how your priorities change by themselves!
5. Don't Wait. This is your life and these should be your priorities. If you're waiting for someone else to come alongside you and tell you how to live your life, you're in for a long wait. The time to make the changes is now—so get to it!

Reprioritizing your life doesn't have to be difficult. But, if you're like most of us, it does need to be done every now and then. And, with God's help, you can do it!