September Parent Newsletter

Here's a checklist for parents to use in the run-up to the new school year that can help make your home less "back-to-stress" and more "back-to-school."

Academics: Encourage your children to do their best, learn all they can, and do the best they can do. Intervene when they do not, and affirm them when they live up to their academic potential.

Anxiety: It's normal for students to feel stress over the upcoming school year. Make your home a calming, secure environment and reassure kids that their feelings are normal.

Calendar: Create a family calendar helps everyone keep up-to-date on what's going on and to help avoid scheduling conflicts.

Connect: Establish connections with school faculty, administrators, and staff who can help with your questions and provide direction for school-related issues as they arise.

Diet: Establish expectations for a healthy diet for your student. Think through breakfast and lunch preparation responsibilities.

Family Dinners: Set a schedule for regular family dinnertimes during the school year. This will help maintain family connections and allows for staying current with what's going on in each other's lives.

Homework: Establish expectations for your child regarding daily homework. Create a reasonable homework routine that allows for completion of daily assignments.

Physical Activity: Plan now to ensure your child has opportunities for regular, adequate exercise.

Scheduling: Remember the adage, no one can do everything. Help your kids set reasonable activity levels for participation in sports, clubs, and extracurricular activities.

Set a Positive Tone: Start talking positively about the new school year: classes, friends, and activities. Create positive anticipation.

Shopping: Get an early start by taking advantage of back-to-school sales now and to avoid the stress of shopping at the last minute.

Sleep: Adjust bed and wake-up times to create healthy school-year sleep patterns before the first day of school.

Transportation: If traveling by school or public bus, be sure to confirm bus stops and schedules. If carpooling, remember to connect and confirm schedules with the other parents involved.

Getting your teenagers talking can be quite a challenge. You've probably had a conversation that went like this:

Parent: Did you have a good day?
Teen: Yeah.
Parent: What did you do?
Teen: Nothing.
Parent: Did anything exciting happen?
Teen: No.
Parent: Any plans for the weekend?
Teen: Not really.

Some of the challenge in parent-teen conversation is due to the type of questions parents ask. When parents ask questions that can be answered with one or two words, they usually don't lead to great conversations.

To get your family talking, try using open-ended questions that create the possibility for more engagement in conversation. These won't guarantee long answers from your teen, but the more thought you put into the questions you ask, the better the chances are that your kids will engage with you.

Here are some suggestions for open-ended questions which may help you get thinking about creating your own:

- What was your understanding of what happened when _____________?

- What would you like to see happen when you ____________?

- What do you think caused them to ____________?

- What were the two best things that happened to you today?

- What was the most surprising thing about your day?

- What do you hope your life will look like 10 years from now?

- How has your opinion of our family changed over the years?

- If you could change something about our family, what would it be?

- If you had to choose, what would you say is the best decision you've ever made?

- What sorts of things are most important to you in life right now?

For many families, homework is the number one source of conflict between parents and their kids. When kids won't do their homework or the quality of work is poor, the sparks begin to fly.

I interviewed the acclaimed parenting expert, author and columnist, John Rosemond, about what he believes parents should do regarding the issue of homework, and he outlined his ABC's:

A. All By Myself. Children ought to do their homework in a private, personal area -- not a high-traffic or family area like the kitchen. Insisting on a private area for homework tells your children that homework is their responsibility. As we help our kids move from dependence on us to becoming independent -- a private area allows them to function and complete tasks by themselves.

B. Back Off. Backing off means refusing to give children help with homework unless absolutely necessary. Although this is often difficult for parents, they need to realize that when children say, "I need help," it doesn't actually mean they do. According to Rosemond, when kids ask for help, about 80% of the time they are looking for mom or dad to solve a problem or bail them out of a situation that has frustrated them. When parents jump in to fix or bail out, they confirm for their children that they indeed were unable to solve the problem themselves. Backing off while supporting and encouraging your kids is the way to go. Even if kids fail, they will learn important life lessons.

C. Call It Quits. Rosemond suggests that parents set a time deadline when homework must be completed for the day, whether or not all assignments have been finished. When deadlines are set and kept, kids will begin to learn to manage their time more effectively.

 

These ABC's are nothing more than the approach to homework that most parents used 50 years ago. They might go against some popular thinking today, but they emphasize the development of self-discipline, responsibility, and the resourcefulness kids will need to become self-reliant and functioning adults.

 

The pace of life in today's culture is hectic. It's tough enough for adults to maintain balance. Unfortunately, the danger of kids overdoing it is greater. A rising number of kids are "burning out" because they are simply too busy. Generally, kids love to be involved in activities. But how much is too much?

Wise parents need to be proactive in overseeing their kids' activities, in order to help them learn how to make good decisions and to live balanced lives. Parents should walk alongside them, helping them get involved, while avoiding over commitment.

Here are some ideas for helping kids maintain balance in this area:

Evaluate your child's schedule.
How busy is your kid now? School, homework, athletics, hobbies, and church activities all add up to a significant amount of your child's time.

Consider what activities can be eliminated.
If your children are already living busy lives, and they are motivated to take on even more, help them figure out what current activities and involvements can be cut back.

Teach the lesson that no one can do everything.
There are many involvements and activities worthy of commitment. Help your kids learn that there is such a thing as being overcommitted---even to worthy causes.

Help kids to evaluate potential new activities.
Teach them to evaluate whether new activities will help them grow as a person, how it might affect relationships with their family and friends, and to consider potential positive and negative outcomes from their involvement.

Watch for signs of stress.
Keep an eye on your kids for emerging signs of stress and if you see a pattern of stress emerging, help your son or daughter evaluate the source. If busyness is causing stress, it's time to cut back.

Leave room for other necessities.
A healthy life requires balance and eating the right foods, finding time for relaxation, regular exercise, and getting a good night's sleep are all necessary for kids to avoid "burning out."