Adolescence, the period between childhood and adulthood, has grown longer in our time. Kids are experiencing puberty earlier and staying connected to their parents later in life than previous generations. Thus, adolescence in many instances can be just as tough a season on parents as it is on the kids!
A few years ago, I interviewed Dr. Kevin Leman, the internationally known author and about his book, Running the Rapids. In the book, Dr. Leman wrote a chapter titled “20 Rules for Surviving Your Kids’ Adolescence.” In an another article, I addressed five of Dr. Leman’s rules. Here are five more of his rules along with my comments.
- Ask for Forgiveness. When was the last time you asked for your child’s forgiveness? The parent who tries to come across as perfect is making a big mistake. In fact, you’ll probably be amazed at how much credibility you gain with your children when you’re honest with them about your shortcomings.
- Respect Their Privacy. If your son is in his bedroom with the door closed—and you need to talk to him for whatever reason—respect his privacy by knocking on the door before entering. Of course, as a parent, you have every right to just walk on in, but a simple knock and asking if “now’s a good time” to have the conversation gives your son the opportunity to feel as though he actually bought into the process – rather than having it forced upon him.
- Communicate Clearly. Good communication takes work. Make sure you work at listening to what your kids are actually saying. You might have to ask for clarification as terms and meanings change. Understand that grew up in a different era also – so be sure that your kids understand you!
- Do the Unexpected. When it comes to discipline, be creative. No, you can’t beat kids over the head and force them to do things, but you can’t let them off the hook either. Dr. Leman uses the example of a child who was expected to prepare dinner. The child didn’t get around to it, so mom and dad went out to dinner alone and then took the meal’s expense from the child’s allowance. Dr. Leman says, “Doing the unexpected creates a long-lasting shock value.”
- Talk About Potential Problems. This simply refers to talking issues over with your kids before they face them, like discussing with them when they’re eleven or twelve what to expect on a date and what problems they might encounter, rather than waiting until they’re sixteen, on the eve of a first date.
(Rules excerpted from the book, Running the Rapids by Dr. Kevin Leman.)