It's hard to believe that the first month of summer is already in the books, but there are some great things planned before school starts again! This is just the beginning.
It's hard to believe that the first month of summer is already in the books, but there are some great things planned before school starts again! This is just the beginning.
All students will need a NEW permission slip on file for Lake Day.
The bus will load at 5pm to leave by 5:15pm. Dinner will be provided. We'll return the the Life Church parking lot by 10pm.
All students need a dry change of clothes and a towel.
Please make sure that ALL swimsuits allow for fun activities without the risk of indecent exposure or embarrasment.
One of the most extensive investments I have made with my life has been parenting. My wife and I raised four children and now pour ourselves anew into 14 grandchildren. I also consider my role as a pastor to be largely a fatherly investment.
You can imagine my interest in an article in the Atlantic titled, “The One Parenting Decision That Really Matters.” According to one study, it would seem that where you raise your child is what matters most. In other words, certain geographic areas provide more opportunity and a better environment for a child and their future success.
I did not walk away convinced.
To be sure, there were some interesting parallels with the opportunities and context of certain environments. As the person who wrote the article confessed, “I’m no parenting expert; I’m merely an uncle.”
Well, I may not be an expert either, but I’ve been way more than an uncle. And as a parent and grandparent and pastor, I will say that what matters most in parenting is not geography.
It’s the parents and the community they provide for their children.
Particularly when you define “success” not by whether they get into Harvard or become a millionaire by 30, but rather by whether the baton of faith was successfully handed down.
You may find this surprising, but until very recently, there were no significant studies from the social sciences on how parents can best pass on their faith to the next generation. We knew that parents mattered. We knew that the Church mattered. But what exactly was it about parents and churches that mattered? That wasn’t as clear. Now it is, thanks to a national study of religious parents in the United States conducted under the leadership of sociologist Christian Smith, a professor of sociology at Notre Dame.
Drawing from new empirical evidence from more than 230 in-depth interviews as well as data from three nationally representative surveys, there was one significant headline: The single, most powerful causal influence on the religious lives of American teenagers and young adults is the religious lives of their parents.
Not their peers,
not the media,
not their youth group leaders or clergy,
not their religious school teachers,
not Sunday School,
not mission trips,
not service projects,
not summer camp….
It’s parents.
Parents define for their children the role that religious faith and practice ought to play in life, whether important or not, which most children roughly adopt. In other words, speed of the parent, speed of the child. Smith writes about the dynamic as akin to parents setting a “glass ceiling” of religious commitment above which their children rarely rise.
The parents continue to play the leading role in shaping the character of their religious and spiritual lives even well after they leave home and often for their rest of their lives. Simply put, the influence of parents on children while they still live at home – including their influence on their religious identities, beliefs and practices – is paramount, lasting for years, decades and often lifetimes.
Now, we all know that parents do not control or determine the religious lives of their children. Many homes with similar values and practices produce children whose religious lives vary wildly. But a large body of accumulated research consistently shows that, when viewing Americans as a whole, the influence of parents in religiousness trumps every other influence, however much parents and children may assume otherwise.
The dynamics of how this influence plays out should not be surprising. The research of Smith found that there are nine marks present with the effective, positive passing on of faith by parents:
Warm, affirming relations with the child
Quality conversations and interactions about religion
Child-centered rather than parent-centered conversations
The crucial role of fathers
Parents sharing the same religious faith and practice
Two-parent households
Grandparents reinforcing the parents
Too much or too little religious socialization
Parental consistency in word and deed, rule, and meaningful intentions
Most of these are self-explanatory and self-evident. First, that the most effective parent conversations about faith with children are children-centered rather than parent-centered. In other words, the children are asking the questions and being allowed to talk while parents are staying more on the listening end. You allow the questions about religion to be their questions and related to their life.
When parents talk too much, make demands without explanations, force unwanted conversations, restrict discussions to topics that they control, faith transmission is likely to not only be ineffective, but also counterproductive.
Second, that too much or too little religious socialization by parents tends to undermine the transmission of religious faith to children. In other words, faith is optimally passed on when parents are intentional, consistent and actively engaged, but neither hands-off nor overbearing. If efforts at socializing a child religiously are weak and sporadic, those efforts will fail. If efforts at socializing a child are relentless or overbearing, those will also fail—even creating rebellion.
So, what matters most in parenting?
It depends.
If all you care about is worldly accomplishment, then perhaps one factor might be where you raise your child.
But if you run a bit deeper than that, and care about the spiritual formation of your child – values, beliefs, behaviors, faith – then it’s not about where you raise your child,
… but who you are as a parent as you raise your child.
James Emery White
Sources
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, “The One Parenting Decision That Really Matters,” The Atlantic, May 7, 2022, read online.
Christian Smith and Amy Adamczyk, Marks of Effective Parenting in Regard to the Handing Down of Faith.
As I've interacted with hundreds of parents over the years, I've come to the conclusion that if you are having trouble communicating with your teen, you are in the vast majority. Here are my five best tips for how to improve:
1. Make mealtime family time. A large amount of research has shown that teenagers who dine regularly at home with their families are more satisfied with life. They are better students, less likely to be sexually promiscuous, and tend to be less involved with drug and alcohol abuse. Families that dine together regularly are more connected to one another. Why? It's all about the communication that happens around the dinner table. Hectic schedules make dining together difficult, but the rewards are worth the effort.
2. Make bedtime communication time. I found that one of the best times to have good communication with my teens was their bedtime. This was a carryover from their younger years when we tucked them into bed and said a prayer. At bedtime I found them more in tune with talking about their day, their problems or whatever was on their mind. The relaxed atmosphere seems to work well for good communication. This is not a good time, however, for tougher conversations.
3. Have parent-child dates or hangout times. By the time kids are teenagers, they are very focused on their friends and peers. They are establishing their identities apart from Mom and Dad, but most are willing to do something fun with their parents; they still like to eat or shop. My habit was to have a monthly date with each of my children. Times like these create a relaxed atmosphere where communication comes easier.
4. Walk around the block. My good friend John Townsend, author and speaker extraordinaire, regularly took his sons on a walk around the block. At first they would complain, he said, but about the second time around the block "the floodgates of communication would open." Do whatever it takes to keep the communication lines open with your kids.
5. Listen more, talk less. Parents can find it challenging to really listen to their kids. It often seems easier to lecture and scold, but listening produces better results. Sometimes kids just want to talk and they aren't really looking for a parent's opinion or another lecture. When you feel you need to weigh in on a topic, it helps if you ask for your teen's permission to share your opinion. This gives them a feeling that you really care for and respect them. Remember, some of the best communication comes through listening. Listening is the language of love.